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Photo by Ellie Finlay
Sharings and reflections by Sr. Ellie Finlay of St. John's Center for Spiritual Formation
Before we as individuals are even conscious of our existence we have been profoundly influenced for a considerable time (since before birth) by our relationship to other individuals who have complicated histories, and are members of a society which has an infinitely more complicated and longer history than they do (and are members of it at a particular time and place in that history); and by the time we are able to make conscious choices we are already making use of categories in a language which has reached a particular degree of development through the lives of countless generations of human beings before us. . . . We are social creatures to the inmost centre of our being. The notion that one can begin anything at all from scratch, free from the past, or unindebted to others, could not conceivably be more wrong.
Your attitude to distractions of all kinds should be passive. The attention is poised lightly on the meditation object [support]. Inevitably it will wander. As soon as you are aware of the shift, gently, without fuss, bother, or irritation, bring attention back on to the object. Even if this has to be done many times, the return should always be gentle and unhurried.
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When Dr. Herbert Benson sought out the components of meditation that bring out the Relaxation Response, he came to the view that "a passive attitude" was the most important of them.
With practice, the return of the attention to the meditation object becomes automatic and effortless. It is rather like being carried down a smoothly flowing river by canoe. Now and again the canoe moves off course and you have to dip the paddle into the water to keep the canoe on course, poised and perfectly balanced, at the very center of the flow.
Renunciation refers to opening the tight fist of grasping and relinquishing our weighty burden of accumulated excess baggage. The heart of renunciation implies allowing rather than controlling. It requires letting go of that which is negative and harmful while opening up to sanity and wholeness. The question is: Can we let go of holding back? Can we relinquish our fears and defenses? Can we forgive? Can we surrender and learn to better accept things as they are? Typically, this is accomplished in small gradual steps. We grow up, and we adopt a more mature attitude. When we do this, we leave the homeland of our childhood. We give up our childish ways. We depart from the nest of our family of origin and free ourselves from frozen behaviors. We stop telling ourselves stories; we stop spinning fantasies. We're all carting heavy baggage that is not helping us get where we want to go or do what we want to do. Once we realize that we no longer need this baggage, we can relinquish it: once we have inner certainty, we can leave our old habits and negativities behind.
Let pessimism once take hold of the mind, and life is all topsy-turvy, all vanity and vexation of spirit. There is no cure for individual or social disorder, except in forgetfulness and annihilation. "Let us eat, drink and be merry," says the pessimist, "for to-morrow we die." If I regarded my life from the point of view of the pessimist, I should be undone. I should seek in vain for the light that does not visit my eyes and the music that does not ring in my ears. I should beg night and day and never be satisfied. I should sit apart in awful solitude, a prey to fear and despair. But since I consider it a duty to myself and to others to be happy, I escape a misery worse than any physical deprivation.
Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.For me that worthy purpose is applying the meditative principles to the way I work with my own mind and also helping other people to do the same. Everyone can have the application of meditative principles as his or her worthy purpose because we can apply them all day, every day no matter what our life's work happens to be.
This Shining Moment in the Now
When I work outdoors all day, every day, as I do now, in the fall, getting ready for winter, tearing up the garden, digging potatoes, gathering the squash, cutting firewood, making kindling, repairing bridges over the brook, clearing trails in the woods, doing the last of the fall mowing, pruning apple trees, taking down the screens, putting up the storm windows, banking the house—all these things, as preparation for the coming cold...
when I am every day all day all body and no mind, when I am physically, wholly and completely, in this world with the birds, the deer, the sky, the wind, the trees...
when day after day I think of nothing but what the next chore is, when I go from clearing woods roads, to sharpening a chain saw, to changing the oil in a mower, to stacking wood, when I amall body and no mind...
when I am only here and now and nowhere else—then, and only then, do I see the crippling power of mind, the curse of thought, and I pause and wonder why I so seldom find this shining moment in the now.
"[War] is instinctive. But the instinct can be fought. We're human beings with the blood of a million savage years on our hands! But we can stop it. We can admit that we're killers ... but we're not going to kill today. That's all it takes! Knowing that we're not going to kill today!"
-- Kirk, "Arena", stardate 3193.0
If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.
If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?
Happiness cannot come from hatred or anger. Nobody can say, "Today I am happy because this morning I was very angry." On the contrary, people feel uneasy and sad and say, "Today I am not happy because I lost my temper this morning." Through kindness, whether at our own level or at the national and international level, through mutual understanding and through mutual respect, we will get peace, we will get happiness, and we will get genuine satisfaction.
- the Dalai Lama
Relaxation should be done slowly. The mind is simply focused on the different body parts in turn in the following way: turn your attention inwards and mentally repeat the phrase to yourself. After each phrase you should also experience a release of tension in the body itself. Take your time with this exercise.The idea is not to space out but to come to a state of relaxed alertness. Try this exercise the next time you feel tense. You can do it at the computer while reading the instructions off the monitor as a little meditation break in the middle of your work. Then when you have it memorized you can do it anytime, anywhere.
The top of my head is relaxing; I feel relaxed.
My face feels relaxed; I am relaxed.
My shoulders and chest feel relaxed; I am relaxing.
My arms and hands feel relaxed; I am relaxing.
My legs and feet feel relaxed; I am relaxing.
I am relaxed. My mind is calm. My body is calm.
I am relaxed. My mind is alert. My mind is awake.
The first step in meditation involves looking into the mind and its busy contents. When we become conscious of space within our minds, we will find that we have made room for thoughts and realizations of a new order to be born. Creativity, insight and intuition can only come into being when there is space for us to be receptive to the still small voice of inspiration.
Awaken yourself to the extraordinary mystery of space. Go out and observe the night sky and meditate on what you see. Become aware of immensities beyond measure. Consciously seeking your space will eventually enable you to find your space as part of the heavens here on earth.
Our minds, like our lives, teem with plans, memories, ideas, words and thoughts. We become so used to this state of being that in time we don't even notice it. The rushing stream of consciousness, thoughts mainly without purpose and idle chatter, is ever present like an internal white noise. Everything is hurried, all mental space is filled. It is only when we take the trouble to observe the process that we can evaluate its effect upon us. A mind that is full is like an untidy cupboard that spills its contents whenever the door is opened. It has no space for insight, creativity or applied thought.
Meditation may appear to be a solitary pursuit even when it is performed in groups. However, far from being an isolating or self-centered activity, meditation brings expansion and connection to others. Meditation inescapably brings the world into your heart. Meditators have always known this.
We live upon one world and breathe one air, yet we consciously divide all that we have into "mine" and "not mine". We are convinced by the illusion of separation. We are steadfastly wedded to territorial principles. Global consciousness, on the other hand, unites where we choose to divide, connects where we choose to isolate and unifies where we choose to fragment.
Mystics through the ages have recorded the personal experience of unity and affirmed the wholeness of all creation. Such individuals were not informed by global communication or holistic philosophy. Yet testaments of mystical experience from all traditions and times tell us what we have only recently come to know, that Life is a Unity which takes on the appearance of a myriad of forms.
“The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.”
“People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering.”
Whenever we allow ourselves to experience some difficult feeling, or whenever an old identity starts to loosen up, the larger space of being that this feeling or identity had been obscuring starts to be revealed. This is a challenging moment, because it can often feel as though we are falling through space. If we resist space at this point, the falling becomes terrifying, and we may try to abort the experience, "pulling ourselves together" by contracting and tensing. This prevents us from freeing ourselves from the old fixation that was starting to dissolve.
Yet if we can learn to relax into the expansiveness that is opening up, then we may begin to discover space as support: The ground of our being actually hold us up. We may feel extremely light at the same time, as though we are floating on a bed of clouds. Once we have made this discovery, the shedding of old identities becomes far less frightening.
This is where the role of "right effort" comes into play. Courage is actually an aspect of right effort. What I want to emphasize here is that it's normal for courage to be required for deep inner work. Take heart and don't give up, no matter how strange it may feel to start becoming aware on an interior level.
Psychological problems move in the direction of healing only when we can relate to them in a spacious way, from the space of our being. When we try to fix our problems directly, we usually pit one side of ourselves against another, and this creates inner pressure and stress - which only contract our space. This is what our mind is like most of the time - a crowded, narrow thoroughfare that is choked with traffic trying to move in different directions. One thought moves in one direction, and other thoughts move against it. ("I'm angry" - "I shouldn't be angry" - "Why shouldn't I be angry?" - "But what will people think?") These inner oppositions create a traffic jam and shut down the space. When we can give our experience space in which to be, with awareness, the jam in our mind starts to clear up and the traffic has room to move freely once again. We may not have fixed the problem, but we have found a larger space in which to hold the problems. This is how true healing occurs.
If ego is the tendency to hold on to ourselves and control our experience, then feeling our emotions directly and letting their energy flow freely threatens ego's whole control structure. When we open to the actual texture and quality of a feeling, instead of trying to control or judge it, "I" - the activity of trying to hold ourselves together - starts to dissolve into "it" - the larger aliveness present in the feeling. If I fully open to my sorrow, it may intensify for a while, and I may feel all the grief of it. Yet opening to this pain, without stories, also makes me feel more alive. As I turn to face my demons, they reveal themselves as my very own life energy.
Emotions, we could say, are the blood shed by ego - they start to flow whenever we are touched, whenever the defensive shell around the heart is pierced. Trying to control them is an attempt to keep this shell from cracking. Letting ego bleed, on the other hand, opens the heart. Then we rediscover ourselves as living beings who are exposed to the world, interconnected with all other beings. Letting go of judgments and story lines and feeling this naked quality of being alive wakes us up and nurtures compassion for ourselves and others.
Don't strain. Don't force anything or make grand, exaggerated efforts. Meditation is not aggressive. There is no place or need for violent striving. Just let your effort be relaxed and steady.
If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is a law, and no amount of pretending will alter that reality.
Make a gift of your life and lift all mankind by being kind, considerate, forgiving, and compassionate at all times, in all places, and under all conditions, with everyone as well as yourself. This is the greatest gift anyone can give.
A woman complained to a visiting friend that her neighbor was a poor housekeeper. "You should see how dirty her children are - and her house. It is almost a disgrace to be living in the same neighborhood as her. Take a look at those clothes she has hung out on the line. See the black streaks on the sheets and towels!"
The friend walked up to the window and said, "I think the clothes are quite clean, my dear. The streaks are on your window."
A flash of enlightenment offers a preview of coming attractions, but when it fades, you will see more clearly what separates you from that state -- your compulsive habits, outmoded beliefs, false associations, and other mental structures. Just when our lives are starting to get better, we may feel like things are getting worse - because for the first time we see clearly what needs to be done.
To a visitor who described himself as a seeker after Truth the Master said, "If what you seek is Truth, there is one thing you must have above all else."
"I know. An overwhelming passion for it."
"No. An unremitting readiness to admit you may be wrong."
It is a great art to have an abundance of knowledge and experience - to know the richness of life, the beauty of existence, the struggles, the miseries, the laughter, the tears - and yet keep your mind very simple; and you can have a simple mind only when you know how to love.
A writer arrive at the monastery to write a book about the Master.
"People say you are a genius. Are you?" he asked.
"You might way so," said the Master, none too modestly.
"And what makes one a genius?"
"The ability to recognize."
"Recognize what?"
"The butterfly in a caterpillar; the eagle in an egg; the saint in a selfish human being."
Many people had dogs and they cannot take them on the bus. A police officer took one from a little boy, who cried until he vomited. "Snowball, snowball," he cried. The policeman told a reporter he didn't know what would happen to the dog.
"What is the highest act a person can perform?"
"Sitting in meditation."
"Wouldn't that lead to inaction?"
"It is inaction."
"Is action, then, inferior?"
"Inaction gives life to actions. Without it they are dead."