Letting go of the contest mentality

It troubles me so much when romantic partners or friends get in a contest with each other and make their relationship a zero sum game. Here's another alternative:

Compassionate action starts with seeing yourself when you start to make yourself right and when you start to make yourself wrong. At that point you could just contemplate the fact that there is a larger alternative to either of those, a more tender, shaky kind of place where you could live.

--Pema Chödrön