Here is a formula for misery: resist a fact. Lament something that has occurred, dwelling on how it could have been otherwise.
If you were to altogether let go of resistance this moment, never to start it up again, by that single gesture, you’d liberate yourself from an enormous burden of suffering. Whatever time remains would feel conspicuously different from all that has preceded.
Allowing reality to be itself means you no longer blame life for your inner condition—or credit it, if things are going well. The potential exists to be at peace no matter what.
Confronted with reality, there are two options. You can acknowledge the fact of it, without resistance, or you can argue with it. When you oppose reality in any way, you’re taking on a terrible weight, which you then carry. It becomes a part of you. The burden wears you out.It's from a book entitled The Freedom of Being at Ease with What Is by Jan Fazier.
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Wow Ellie!
ReplyDeleteThis is so radical and well said.
I just had an old resentment show up, then decided to "drop the story line i had about it" and saw the absurdity of how i had been keeping this thing alive myself. without the story, there was no reaction at all.
Bless you for this post...always challenging and inspiring.
annie c
"lamenting something that has occured, dewlling on how it could have been otherwise".
ReplyDeleteThis is brilliant and funny (though sad when i think of all the time spent in doing just that)...
would love to see some comments on this one.
happy autumn to everyone.
annie c
annie c
Hi Annie C, I'm really late to read and respond to this but I was just reading the other side of this on another spiritual teacher's blog so thought I'd share. A person had written in saying his sister resents their mom's poor parenting due to drug use and man-chasing when they were young. The writer said everyone does the best s/he can, so we should let go and trust everything's perfect. The teacher responded yes, everyone acts according to his/her limits, but to say everything's perfect is to ignore the fact that actions/behaviors have real consequences, in this case, the sister still feels neglected, unsafe, insecure, as an adult. We must be compassionate, to sisters and selves, about the wounds those past behaviors created and help them heal. So while it's not good to dwell on these past wounds it's not good to release them too soon, either, before we've had time to deeply understand them, the source of that pain, and begin to try to heal them. That, at least, is another side of Frazier's advice, which complicates it helpfully, I think.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth T in Ohio