I have much respect for the teachings of Anthony de Mello. Here's something I found this morning in a little book on my shelves entitled The Way to Love: The Last Meditations of Anthony de Mello:
"You see persons and things not as they are but as you are. If you wish to see them as they are you must attend to your attachments and the fears that your attachments generate. Because when you look at life it is these attachments and fears that will decide what you will notice and what you block out. Whatever you notice then commands your attention. And since your looking has been selective you have an illusory version of the things and people around you. the more you live with this distorted version the more you become convinced that it is the only true picture of the world because your attachments and fears continue to process incoming date in a way that will reinforce your picture."There's a lot to think about here. A lot.