The importance of reflection

I often recommend the reflection process of dropping a question into the consciousness as if one were dropping a pebble into a pool of water and then writing down what bubbles up. In fact, we do a reflection question during every ongoing class at the Center. One helpful method is to write an issue in your life at the top of your paper. Then underneath it write, "What is this really about?" and reflect on that.

A powerful pay-off that the reflection process offers can be seen in this observation by Gerald Jampolsky and Diane Cirincione in their book Change Your Mind, Change Your Life:

One of the most difficult realities perhaps any of us has to face is the fact that what I dislike or cannot tolerate in other people is the personality trait that I still haven't come to terms with in my own life. Whatever is bothering me about the other person mirrors something that I have not forgiven either in myself or in someone from my past. My intolerance in my present relationships is ultimately an intolerance for myself or someone from my past. For example, let's say you become very upset by a person who has a very domineering attitude in the workplace. Though you're upset, you do not seem to be able to change the way you feel when you're around him. Then, one day, you realize that this person reminds you of your father, whose domineering ways frightened you when you were a child.

Another possibility is that you are a domineering person in your home life and you cannot face that. Or you control your tendency to be domineering but you have not really made peace with this personality trait.

Simply writing at the top of a piece of paper, "Can't stand domineering co-worker" and then underneath writing, "What is this really about?" will give you a powerful exercise for awareness. Always begin and end this process with simple mindfulness - that is, tranquility - meditation to settle the mind.

If you feel stuck after doing this process for a while or if very painful or distressing material comes up, be sure to seek out a skilled person to talk to about it. If you're already seeing a therapist or a spiritual director, going over reflection process results with that person can greatly enhance those conversations and support the inner work you're doing.