Friday, January 13, 2006

Healing does come if we let it

Those of you who read my other blog, Child of Illusion, will have noticed that I quoted the Zen teacher Zoketsu Norman Fischer today about taking care not to despise those whose actions we do, indeed, despise. I want to quote him again here on pretty much the same subject although this passage is in response to someone who's estranged from a member of her family. Yet it has implications for any kind of difficulty with another person - public or private:
You can see from what we are hearing in the news that the forces of misunderstanding and hatred in the world are strong and have awful consequences. What stands out for me is this: there are no evil people. There are only misguided actions. And misguided actions don't happen spontaneously; there are reasons for them. They usually happen because the perpetrator has been hurt and so is confused and bitter and acts out of that confusion and bitterness. When someone is completely twisted because of this it is hard to reason with her, hard to make progress in our relationship with the person. Sometimes we have to remove ourselves, or, in the case of crimes, to find the perpetrator and try to prevent further crimes from happening.

But the point is that the criminal, the twisted person, is to be pitied more than oppposed. And even if we do have to oppose, to do so with a heart of understanding rather than bitterness. If we are bitter than we become also twisted and our actions will perpetuate the cycle of suffering.

Sometimes though we really are bitter- we have been hurt- we can't help feeling that way. If that's so we try to be mindful of it and to be quiet and seek healing (as you have done in addressing this question to the website). Take your time, feel your pain, but don't blame or lash out. It takes time to heal, but if you don't fan the fires of hatred and misundesrstanding healing does come.

Be well in these difficult times.

Zoketsu Norman Fischer

It's important to remember that hatred is a mind poison. What's crucial is the decision not to give it energy. It's very hard when someone has betrayed us - very. Still, for the sake of our own happiness and peace of mind it important not to harbor anger or hatred.


  1. I am brand new to "blogging"but so lucky to have come across your postings-I will return again and again-you are a wise and thoughtful person-thanks!

  2. I'm glad you stopped by, TherapistSB. And thanks for your kind words. Hope to hear from you again!


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