Loving Yourself

I'm amazed sometimes by how many people refuse to believe that it's right to love themselves unconditionally. Resistance to this idea is undoubtedly the greatest cause of suffering I know and it not only causes suffering to those who cannot or will not love themselves; it also causes suffering to loved ones, friends and colleagues. Those who do not love themselves are typically ruthless in their judgment of others. And so I was especially pleased today when I came across the following passage from A Year of Living Consciously by Gay Hendricks:

On the surface it might sound like loving yourself is a selfish act, but it is actually the ultimate act of selfless giving. Egotism and bragging, for example, are so painful to behold because they are signs of self-hatred, not self-love. They are desperate attempts to call attention to yourself after you've sunk into self-loathing. One moment of genuine self-love can result in a lifetime of compassionate contribution to others. One of my friends, a yoga teacher and single parent with several children, told me, "If I take a few minutes in meditation each day to resonate with myself, I can do things all day with and for my kids. But if I don't take a little time for me each day, I end up feeling resentful about all the demands they make."

We could all take a hint from her discovery. Many times in my own life I have gotten mired in relationship conflicts only to realize after a while that the conflict had nothing to do with the other person. When you love the unlovable parts of yourself - anger, fear, grief, or whatever else - the problem with the other person clears up.