The Way Things Are

Deep acceptance is the way to happiness and peace. I know that's easy to say and hard to realize. When I talk about letting go of the attachment to things being different from the way they are I often get the response of intense resistance. Some things are just too horrible to be accepted, I'm told. Please remember that acceptance is not the same thing as approval. And it's certainly not the same thing as preference. It is also not about going passive; whatever action we can take to change adverse circumstances is not only legitimate, it is the way of true compassion. Deep acceptance, rather, is a letting go of that sense of impotent entitlement that makes us miserable when it is actually impossible to change what we want to change. And nobody is saying that this acceptance has to be instantaneous. It often takes me quite a bit of inner work to accept some things but I know from the get-go that the work will be worth it. The question before me is this: do I want to suffer or not? I can experience the way things are and suffer over it or I can experience the way things are and not suffer over it. Either way, I am stuck with the way things are. Akong Tulku Rinpoche has some insightful things to say about this in Taming the Tiger:

Once we are ready to accept the way things are, even the apparently hellish aspects of life can be transformed. All we need are the means and the will to accomplish this transformation. If, on the other hand, we give in to faint-heartedness or put things off, the bad will probably get worse. So we must acknowledge our experiences and commitments for what they are, whether difficult, easy or just plain ordinary. The important thing is not to become strongly affected emotionally by our perception of these circumstances and by the value-judgments we asociate with them.
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Rather than directing all our energy into futile attempts to make life perfect, we could be using some of this effort to develop our tolerance and appreciation of the way things are. Such inner peace brings deep and lasting happiness; whilst the joy derived from worldly pursuits, objects and other people is invariably impermanent. We have a clear choice to make between allowing ourselves to be blown about like a feather, this way and that on the wind of change, acting and reacting to whatever comes along; or to work towards establishing some kind of stability within ourselves, independent of chance and fortune, praise or blame.

This is radical advice, I know. In my line of work I am privy to so much suffering that I am easily persuaded that a radical approach is necessary. At some point, each person will say of the way of acceptance, "It's time." And then he or she will begin, however imperfectly, however awkwardly, to practice this powerful approach to a happy life. Why not say that today? It's time.