Making our "self-talk" skillful

I often recommend something I call self-coaching. That's a way of making the way we talk to ourselves wholesome and skillful. Many people have an unhelpful habit of negative self-talk. David Harp speaks to this in his book, The Three Minute Meditator:

Often we are not even completely aware of all of our thoughts. Many of us suffer from an internal monologue that runs intermittently, a critical, judgmental, internal voice that seems to love to offer gratuitous and usually negative comments. These comments slink through our mind half-noticed, and, like small leaks in the bottom of a large boat, often have a long-term or cumulative effect, which is not a pleasant one.

I used to use the first line or two of The Beatles song, "I'm A Loser" to berate myself with. Anytime I did anything that didn't work out perfectly, I'd subconsciously croon "I'm a looo-oo-ooser..." to myself, thus reinforcing my negative feelings.

Once I began to clear and to watch my mind through meditation, I was able to see what I was doing (at least sometimes), and began to let go of this self-hating habit. Before I started meditation I couldn't see it happening. I couldn't catch myself in the act, so I wasn't able to deal with this behavior.

I feel a lot better now that my mind is no longer singing that darn tune! You'll feel happier and more positive when you begin to quiet the chatter or your mind, too.

That's a good story, isn't it? Start noticing what you're saying to yourself and let go of critical and self-berating messages. Try saying, "Accept without judgment, accept without judgment," when that critical voice starts up. Make the commitment to give yourself lovingkindness and compassion in this way.