More about anger

Here is another passage from The Three Minute Meditator by David Harp. This passage speaks to the importance of compassion for ourselves when we're overcome with anger:

For me, frustration often leads to anger. When business dealings, relationships, or other events don't go the way I want them to, I first feel frustrated, then threatened by my own lack of control. Almost instantaneously the feelings of frustration and fear turn into anger, as my mind attempts to cover up these insecure and painful feelings with more aggressive ones. Acting upon these aggressive feelings, I may then lash out at myself, or at loved ones, without even knowing why.

But when I can recognize the initial frustration and fearful feelings as they arise, I can meet them with compassion. A moment of compassion meditation will often break the chain of frustration-to-fear-to-anger, and allow me to face the frustration and fear directly. It's not easy to face up to my own inability to control people, events, and things. But I'd rather directly face these feelings and the pain that they bring, than encounter the far greater pain of the misdirected anger, with its warlike attack on myself or others.

Even if I do get angry, I may be able, after a moment, to remember to be compassionate towards myself, both for my pain, and for having become mad. All humans feel anger and must somehow learn to deal with this emotion. Feeling compassion for my anger is far more healing in the long run than feeling guilt for my anger, or feeling angry at myself for my anger. Feeling compassion for myself allows me to "watch the movie" in my mind and step outside my old knee-jerk reaction of pain, anger, and self-hate.

I so agree with this. When I feel strong emotions like anger I coach myself with the words, "Accept without judgment." Of course, by the time I remember to do the self-coaching, I may well have already judged the emotion. That's when it's important to remember not to judge the judgment! Whenever mindfulness returns, that's when we stop judging. Accept whatever came before and give yourself lots of compassion. Remember, compassion is the sincere wish that suffering be alleviated. You can give yourself that, no matter what. It helps if we remember that continuing to judge is a sure fire way to prolonging the suffering.