The art of letting go

Often people say they want to let go of a mind state when what they really mean is that they want to get rid of it. These are not the same thing! Jack Kornfield speaks to this in his book, A Path With Heart:

When difficulties arise and we are able to do so, we can simply let them go. But beware! This is not as easy as it sounds. Often we find ourselves too attached and entangled with the story or feeling to do so. Other times we may try to "let it go," because we don't like something. But this is not letting go - it is aversion. In the early phase of spiritual practice, many of our attempts to let go of difficulties are misguided in this way. They are actually gestures of judgment and avoidance.

Only when there is balance in the mind and compassion in the heart can true letting go happen. As skill in meditation develops, it then becomes possible to simply let go of certain difficult states as soon as they arise. This letting go has no aversion in it - it is a directed choice to abandon one mind state and calmly focus our concentration in a more skillful way in the next moment. This ability arises through practice. It comes as our composure grows. It can be cultivated but never forced.

We can cultivate this true letting go that is not avoidance by practicing something known as "distress tolerance". Remember, the ability to tolerate distress is an aspect of maturity. Frame this tolerance as a positive and it will truly be easier. Sometimes all that is needed to improve our distress tolerance is the inner conviction that it is a skillful, positive thing.