Loving-kindness is a kind of love, i.e., love without attachment, craving or lust. It is a wholesome and genuine desire for the well-being of all beings including ourselves. So when you practice loving-kindness and wish for your own happiness, saying, "May I be well, happy and peaceful", this should not be interpreted as selfishness because, in order to send out thoughts of loving-kindness to others, we have to generate these thoughts first in ourselves. Also, when you send thoughts to yourself, you can take yourself as an example. That means, when you say, "May I be well, happy, and peaceful," you think, "Just as I want to be well, happy and peaceful, so do all other beings. So may they also be well, happy and peaceful." To be able to practice loving-kindness towards other beings, you first have to practice loving kindness towards yourself. Then you send your thoughts to other beings. You can send these thoughts in different ways. You can send thoughts to all beings by location. You can send loving-kindness to all beings in this house. By "all beings" we mean not only human beings, but also animals, insects, etc. Then you send loving-kindness to all beings in this area, in this city, in this county, in this state, in this country, in this world, in this universe, and last, to all beings in general. When you say the sentences to yourself, please, mean them and try to see and visualize the beings you mention as really well, happy, and peaceful, and your thoughts of loving-kindness reaching them, touching them, embracing them and making them really well, happy, and peaceful.
Nothing could be less selfish than giving ourselves loving-kindness. In fact, it is selfish not to because we tend to be hard on others when we're hard on ourselves.
I never used to believe you when you said if we are hard on ourselves we tend to be hard on others. I was living in the fantasy world of believing I was only hard on myself. As I have become more aware of not only what I do but why I do it, I have discovered that the idea of being hard on myself means I will be hard on others has unfortunately proven to be very true. It has been a hard realization to own up to, but it has been a very necessary one to realize just how important it is to give myself loving kindness first. Carolyn L.
ReplyDelete