Saturday, January 29, 2005

The Way Things Are

Deep acceptance is the way to happiness and peace. I know that's easy to say and hard to realize. When I talk about letting go of the attachment to things being different from the way they are I often get the response of intense resistance. Some things are just too horrible to be accepted, I'm told. Please remember that acceptance is not the same thing as approval. And it's certainly not the same thing as preference. It is also not about going passive; whatever action we can take to change adverse circumstances is not only legitimate, it is the way of true compassion. Deep acceptance, rather, is a letting go of that sense of impotent entitlement that makes us miserable when it is actually impossible to change what we want to change. And nobody is saying that this acceptance has to be instantaneous. It often takes me quite a bit of inner work to accept some things but I know from the get-go that the work will be worth it. The question before me is this: do I want to suffer or not? I can experience the way things are and suffer over it or I can experience the way things are and not suffer over it. Either way, I am stuck with the way things are. Akong Tulku Rinpoche has some insightful things to say about this in Taming the Tiger:

Once we are ready to accept the way things are, even the apparently hellish aspects of life can be transformed. All we need are the means and the will to accomplish this transformation. If, on the other hand, we give in to faint-heartedness or put things off, the bad will probably get worse. So we must acknowledge our experiences and commitments for what they are, whether difficult, easy or just plain ordinary. The important thing is not to become strongly affected emotionally by our perception of these circumstances and by the value-judgments we asociate with them.
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Rather than directing all our energy into futile attempts to make life perfect, we could be using some of this effort to develop our tolerance and appreciation of the way things are. Such inner peace brings deep and lasting happiness; whilst the joy derived from worldly pursuits, objects and other people is invariably impermanent. We have a clear choice to make between allowing ourselves to be blown about like a feather, this way and that on the wind of change, acting and reacting to whatever comes along; or to work towards establishing some kind of stability within ourselves, independent of chance and fortune, praise or blame.

This is radical advice, I know. In my line of work I am privy to so much suffering that I am easily persuaded that a radical approach is necessary. At some point, each person will say of the way of acceptance, "It's time." And then he or she will begin, however imperfectly, however awkwardly, to practice this powerful approach to a happy life. Why not say that today? It's time.

6 comments:

  1. Anonymous4:22 PM

    Is part of this deep acceptance of what is also an acceptance of what was--as good or as bad as it may have been, and being willing to let go of the "spin" or "explanation" we have put on it to make it acceptable in our own mind?

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  2. Anonymous8:47 PM

    Okay, could somebody please answer this question? It is one I can relate to as I often find it more difficult to accept those things in the past than those that are occurring in the present. It is comforting to know that someone else is having issues with this, and I would also like to know what the answer is.
    Thanks,
    Carolyn L.

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  3. Yes, to the question about spin. Usually "spin" is a way of exploiting the mind poison of delusion. It's a way of not wanting to know - or at least to acknowledge - what is actually the way things are.

    Or for that matter, the way things WERE. The way to process the way things were is to realize that there is no solidity to our experiences. Each event is dependent on a complex web of events that came before it. So the way things ARE actually INCLUDES the way things were. Try saying to yourself, "This is now. I accept that. What is 'now' came about due to what was 'then'. Therefore if I can accept the 'now' I can accept the 'then'."

    Events are all connected. One is not separate from another.

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  4. Anonymous9:35 PM

    Thanks, that helps or at least gives me more to think about.
    Carolyn L.

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  5. Anonymous10:28 AM

    Sister Ellie, Your definition of deep "acceptance" deserves to be placed in thedictionary ..."letting go of that sense of impotent entitlement that makes us MISERABLE ( when it is actually impossible to change what we want to change."

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  6. Anonymous10:29 AM

    Sister Ellie, Your definition of deep "acceptance" deserves to be placed in the dictionary ..."letting go of that sense of impotent entitlement that makes us MISERABLE when it is actually impossible to change what we want to change."

    ReplyDelete

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