Today I found something by the wonderful teacher, Pema Chödrön, on that very subject - particularly as it relates to the truly unattractive mind state of self-pity. Here she is commenting on the slogan, "Don't wallow in self-pity", found in the traditional Seven Points of Mind Training text:
[S]elf-pity takes a lot of maintenance. You have to talk to yourself quite a bit to keep it up. the slogan is saying to get to know what self-pity feels like underneath the story line. That's how the training develops a genuine, openhearted, intelligent relationship with the whole variety of human experience.Here's where I want to say don't judge your feelings but don't justify them either. Use them for greater awareness.
It's all raw material for waking up. you can use numbness, mushiness, and self-pity even - it doesn't matter what it is - as long as you can go deeper, underneath the story line. That's where you connect with what it is to be human, and that's where the joy and the well-being come from - from the sense of being real and seeing realness in others.